Clueless

To My Clueless Male Counterparts,

 Since my last letter proved to be so successful in terms of decreasing the amount of bullshit I have to deal with at work I thought I'd write another letter but not be so discriminatory with my audience. My frustration with the opposite sex has grown exponentially in the past month and I see it only fair to express my sentiments electronically. This letter is directed to men in general.

To the men who text message late enough to disrupt my beauty rest, I know what you want. I'd like to speak for all women when I say this but unfortunately I just don't have that much faith in the conventional emotionally-starved female. Inviting me out to a bar a half an hour before it closes is hardly a panty-dropper nor do I lack the brain cells to be able to read between your not-so-cryptic lines. If we've been on a date and I coincidentally only hear from you late night, I've caught on. Don't waste my time. For the men who take it one step further and have the audacity to give me fashion advice, Really? I am not your Barbie.You have just essentially cock-blocked yourself.  It may be hard for your ego to fathom but you are not Neil Patrick Harris and those schemes on How I Met Your Mother are not nearly as clever as they seem on CBS.

To the guy that talks himself up--I would imagine the only explanation is that you must actually think your penis will enlarge from incessant banter. If your lucky to even get that far (which I am guessing you are not) the truth will reveal itself sooner or later. Your best bet is to at least make an attempt at being a decent human being, a woman is more likely to look past an ill-equipped man if she believes him to at least have a soul.

To the guy on the dance floor that thinks a slight smile is an invitation to stick your tongue down my throat-- its not. Try saying "Hi" first, if all of a sudden I become engulfed in a conversation with my friend or I abruptly end the conversation to find a bathroom, chances are your tongue is not invited. Those that know me know I do not hesitate to use force when necessary, unless you want my hand imprinted on your cheek, back off.

To the relentless texter- If a girl likes you she is going to answer you, period. If you are scrolling through multiple pages of text to read the conversation you have been having with yourself, it is time to move on. If and when we want to contact you, we will. We know your number it is viciously resonating through our memory, trust me.

For those of you reading the above and noticing it sounds all too familiar, I suggest coming up with something more clever or finding a woman dumb enough to fall for your bullshit.

With Love,

Your Not So Impressed  Female

Letter From a Disgruntled Waitress

Dear Men Who Hit on Their Waitress,

      First of all, for all of you who may forget this little fun fact...your server or bartender or whoever you choose as your victim oddly enough still happens to be a human being. Hard for the intelligible group of bros who venture out to restaurant establishments these days to grasp I know, but stay with me here. If you treat me like a piece of ass the likelihood of your "success" is slim to none. I'd be really interested in the success rate of your "game", and the fact that you even call it that to your just-as-suave comrades is laughable. 

      Second, WE CAN HEAR YOU. It is our job to watch you to ensure your quality Bud Light is plentiful because I'd hardly enjoy being prey to your pompous ego. Creepy... I know, but hardly on par with your repetitious cringe-inducing verbal banter that you expect me to swoon over. Spoiler Alert: Just because I have turned around does not mean my ears cease to exist and function. Just when you have congratulated yourself too soon for your not-so-alluring commentary remember ... I literally get paid to be nice to people and you are no different. Please do not attempt to conceal your inability to successfully hit on a woman and get your head out of your ass. 

      Third, age matters. Lack of beauty I can work with if you are nice enough but if you are old enough to be my father or are a few short years from collecting social security you are on your way to a restraining order, please save us all the trouble and keep your creepy old man fantasies to yourself. It is not cute or funny to hit on the waitress no matter how drunk you are, period. Also, your perfect restaurant attendance does not get you bonus points. I don't care how many times you over-tip, I am not going to sleep with you.

      Lastly, if you do not have balls enough to look me in the eye and ask me for my number like a man I don't suggest you wait by the phone for a message or a call (that is if calling is even still a thing that people do). Leaving behind your digits, a 15% tip, with a description of your hat color in your unkempt scrawl will hardly lead me to erotic fantasies of you in nothing but...the white Red Sox hat.

With Love,

Your Disgruntled Waitress

P.S.-On that note, assuming you avoid being an example of the above frustrations I welcome you to come visit me at my restaurant or I invite you to embrace altruism and compassion. Stay home, save money, and learn to cook.

Inwardly Anchored

Relationships, like anything else are practice. As we engage in relationships we learn more about who we are. We do not try to change people or judge them, we accept all beings for who they are. Unless you love and embrace yourself and who you are, you cannot love another. This does not mean a perfect self or relationship, but the acceptance of the imperfection of both. When we live with honesty and integrity, we have nothing to hide. If we never lose ourselves we always have a home to return to when a relationship doesn't work, we should not compromise what is within us to accommodate another. The outcome does not matter we must give and accept just as much as we let go, and appreciate the present. Each moment is impermanent and we must appreciate it for what it is and all that it has to offer.

Intangibily Savvy

Manifested, vested
Deep in the vortex of the cerebral cortex
Originating from your experience, emanating
All that is deep within your soul
Ideas that make you whole
So embedded they flow right through your veins
So powerful you must sacrifice your tight grip on the reins
ideas so powerful, they sacrifice the logical
You let go of conventionality and embrace your inner self passionately
It is this that leaves you satisfied
When you let go of your inhibitions with a ruthless pride
Never to confide
In society, because honestly
They rob you of your originality
Wishing you to live within their constraints
To embody the picture their rhetoric paints
The American Dream is that and nothing more
Never truly fulfilling a human being at their core
It begins within your mind
A truth popular culture wishes you'd never find
An idea, whose expression leaves the spirit elated
Underestimated, by the hopelessly jaded
Free your idea into the world
Allowing, the ambiguity of the idea to unfurl

The Power of Word

Words that come alive, that thrive
They spurt right out of the soul--never to deprive
They capture the richness of spirit--the artful lyrisisct
As unique as a jigsaw piece
Energy flowing into your heart
Reminding you we are all just a part
of this picture
this neverending plane-- all looking to gain
some momentum 
Connected...not separate
A global citizen 
sharing our similarity with an unspoken clarity
Words
They don't draw lines, just looking to define
the global picture
Like an abstract fixture
filled with ambiguity
while bursting with simplicity
They only could be--Me
but also you
These words are the power, so its either now or--
We let our chances pass us by, we don't even try
to speak
Silence will not bring the change that we seek
so keep the words flowing, always knowing
The Power of Word

Energetically Charged Awareness

IMG_4148, a photo by dmr620 on Flickr.

We as human beings are inherently limited to the reality that surrounds us. Embedded into the capabilities of our physical iris is the limitation of our own perspective. The world is immense, physically and metaphysically. The acknowledgment of our human limitations can be utilized to create a constant thirst for knowledge and wisdom. We can use this wisdom to deepen our minds, our physical body, and the depths of our souls. Our minds create our life experiences based upon how we choose to perceive them and make them a part of us. With the true embrace of all that is complex and all that is simple we can stop thinking things are either "black or white". Acceptance of the true ambiguity of all can be conceptually overwhelming, while simultaneously invigorating. Shared by all is prana, the energy that is flowing within us and all that surrounds us. We can begin to manipulate it's flow by controlling the prana we choose to emit, share, and take in. From the gas station attendant to the highest paid CEO, from the beautiful lotus flower to the overgrown weed, to the spec of dust floating near the window sill to the soft fall of a glimmering snowflake prana is shared, transferred, or let go. Prana is what connects us to everything. Once we accept that we can truly recognize interdependence.

Simply Complex

IMG_0149 a photo by dmr620 on Flickr.

Everyday we wake up with intention. The intention to get married, to graduate, to make money, to eat healthy, but what are we actually seeking with all of these intentions? Ultimately these paths and choices should lead us closer and closer to self-actualization and enlightenment, if we are open to it. We want to reach our full potential internally, to do this we utilize the external. If these external things are not tools in which to deepen our soul and become more in tune with the inner self, they remain futile. It is easy to get caught up in conventionality or what others have told us we need to make us happy, but true happiness can only be attained from within, and unless the external is helping us to attain this inner happiness, what purpose does it serve? Beauty can be found in simplicity, while nothing really remains "simple". Anything "simple", is actually quite complicated. Whatever these things might be and as disconnected and alone we may feel in the world, we are all connected to each other and it is through the true embrace of all souls around us that will deepen our connection with others and ourselves. To surrender to ourselves and the person we want to become.